I don't know how to exactly start this discussion..but here it goes..I feel scared by the utter nuisance deep within me & by a second, bothering thoughts kept creeping up and this is of the word called "love". I say I have not been deprived and it's more than enough of me to have the familial love I have now but for 21 years I have been single it's not an ache to my heart thinking I have left myself out of any companionship. I never did ask for any mutual relationship in the first place or has it any occurred to me what my ideal guy could have been..It just shows how imbecile I could be in terms of love. Lately I do allow myself to freely question what made me stay single. Was I just too busy and preoccupied of the life my family wants of me? Now that I have a degree and a salary that may not be enough to support me but still, I can say I can stand up on my own. Will I be open now to possible adventures on my own?
I never can say.
But seems the heavens have been looking in favor of me by pursuing an answer which led me to a world far different as I am. It was weird that I allowed myself to enter into the doors of new experience..I had a great time and in that moment, I sadly too realized I was scared. Scared to stay in such promising lands that I thought would only happen in romantic movies. Scared to venture more that I may fall back and get hurt. Scared to see someone's eyes grow fond of me each day and yet I know I have nothing back to repay. Scared to fail myself in the hopes of realizing not everything in this world ends in happily ever after. Lastly, I am scared that I may fail that my family, myself and that 'someone'. This made me think just maybe I'm not ready yet..That age doesn't matter on how maturity really grows and that experiences are not enough to measure the distance one can go.
I admit I am scared. In this shell, I look strong but nearly inside of me is hollow.
VULNERABLE & BREAKABLE.
G.Devil
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