MY UNTOLD CONFESSION

MY UNTOLD CONFESSION

November 6, 2009

11:04 PM

“What is this feeling?” I asked myself. My eyes gazed upward as I looked at my favorite scenery—the sky. The perplexed sentiment that I am going through is not easy, I have placed my guard down not knowing such breach would reach in the very depths of my heart. Yes, for too long have I waited, for 4 years I allowed my heart to wither and in these instances, I am certain that I have been struck by Cupid’s Chokehold.

You are certainly correct and on the right track if your guess was that I have been defraud in this common problem called “LOVE”. The person has stolen my heart slowly but surely. If it were in Filipino dialect I would fittingly say: “Na tamaan talaga ako ng todo”. But this admiration has certainly no happy endings, in the end it will be a ‘conte’ of unrequited love.

Thus, bought me to the current situation I have niche myself in. It is not the classical relationship you would ever imagine or worse of that you would even agree. To me, it is deep and torturous that I have to sacrifice myself to uphold the dignity of secrecy. For it is within my knowledge, the feelings I have elicited for this person would place the bond we have strongly formed…at risk. To make matters worse, a gap would even whittle between us if such confession was divulged.

So I have decided to write it on as a form of untold confession which is written from the 4 chambers of my heart. I have been known to be a tactless person with a harsh idiosyncrasy. A heart cold as ice whenever scarred and a person who can easily detach emotions of empathy in short, a cold conscience. Who would even dare to love a person like me that is firm, critical and too logical in the basis of emotion? NO ONE.

Then allow me to introduce such being that have grazed my eyes and have filled my heart in excitement and my soul in constant happiness. Such being is better than me and ironically the exact opposite of me. This person has mellifluence overflowing throughout such physique, a heart of humility, kindness and purity. A person with a heart of gold and zestful smile. The one, who cares, is patient and undoubtedly loving. The world has been smiling since the day this being with characteristics was born. This beings’ soft, gentle voice gives warmth to my cold shoulders, melted my frozen heart and the glacial look that I had with me for 20 years have slowly spurred at a distance. Certainly, this person taught me a lot.

It wasn’t long enough until this being showed me the world, the experiences such of a normal life this being had. A simple and family-oriented life in which I have loved more from this God’s Creation but beneath that loving façade is a fool in the sight of love. An imbecile in the case of admiration and for that, I love such being more. If I were to ratiocinate the being I have been Loving, Every Higher Creature in this Kingdom would lustfully love to have this being part of this lucky creature’s life and I would not be able to take it.

Unfortunately, I am fully aware that I am not that lucky bastard to be with this being, even if my dream were to be where the being is until strands of gray hair would spurt. Because for once such being never laid eyes on me. To end this farce, I would end it with this:

            “I HAVE BEEN LOVING YOU"

                 These words I only know in this untold confession

                  A present perfect progressive

                      done in the past,

                     continuing in the future tense.

G.Devil